They came, They Saw, They Conquered....Well Almost

The tri-series had just concluded. The World Cup was a week away. The batsmen looked out of sorts, the bowlers looked jaded, fielders just went through the motions; team India never had the ideal preparation for the mega event especially when they were defending champions and like always, the stakes on them were inhumanly high.

A match against Pakistan is a World Cup final on its own. It may not be as acrimonious as it was in the past, but for every Indian and Pakistani, it is a matter of their egos, a matter of pride and a matter to earn bragging rights for the next four years. Pakistan thought this was their best chance to beat a tired, battered and bruised India that had the word 'Team' nowhere close to its prefix.

But little did they know that a different bunch of eleven players were turning up at the Adelaide Oval. The batsmen brought out their 'A' game, bowlers suddenly began to find the right line and length, the fielders began to throw themselves around. The Pakistani challenge was overcome with relative ease.

Opponents came and Opponents went. South Africans were choked, UAE was never a game, West Indians were overcome after a stutter, Irish were conquered and Zimbabweans were brushed aside. India again became 'Team India.' Bangladesh were knocked over in the quarter-finals.

Then came the big moment. The team at the hands of which the Indians suffered for three full months stood between them and a second successive World Cup triumph. To all our worst fears, the game was lost.

The fact that India is a cricket crazy nation would be known to an Eskimo in Greenland as well. While victory brings out their pseudo-patriotic fervor, defeat exposes the hypocrisy under which we all live. Just three nights ago, Dhoni was the man with the midas touch, Dhawan could do no wrong, Lady Luck was with Virat Kohli and Shami was the next Wasim Akram. To cut a long story short, they were no less then demi-Gods.

The moment India began to stare at a defeat; twitter trolls began their job. Arm-chair critics who had their faces hidden so far sprang out of nowhere. Anushka Sharma again became the reason for Virat Kohli's failure. The narrow mindedness and shallow memory of people is evident from the fact that just a month ago, on the same Sydney ground, against the same bowling attack, Virat Kohli had scored a memorable hundred in front of Anushka, that helped India save the test.

News Channels treat this defeat as a matter of national shame. Arnab Goswami screamed his lungs out as to how these players have insulted a nation of a billion plus people by not winning the World Cup. Mr. Goswami, I am sure that no amount of screaming can help you put a 150 kmph Mitchell Starc missile to your bat. It pains me.

Yes. It does pain me. It pains me to see how ungrateful we are as Indians. It pains me to see that the same Virat Kohli, the same Dhoni, the same Team India, that won seven games on a trott, the same Team India that bowled their opposition out on all seven occasions, the same Team India who out of nowhere became a force to reckon with gets branded a bunch of losers with just one bad day at the office.

We feel ashamed when India loses a match. It's unfortunate that we don't feel ashamed when a farmer kills himself; we don't feel ashamed when honest people like DK Ravi kill themselves due to our rotten system; we don't feel ashamed when a woman gets raped and our misogynist leaders get away despite passing one sexist remark after another.

Nobody likes to lose. But true sportsmanship is only when we rejoice in victory and gracefully accept defeat. Unfortunately, we Indians don't like our team to lose, we don't want out team to lose. We maybe a cricketing nation, but as Abhinav Bindra said, there is still a long way to go before we become a sporting nation.

Come back with your heads held high Team India. You have done me proud. I have never seen you play cricket as ruthlessly as you have in the past month and a half. You may have failed to win, but you remain champions for us! 

Independence Day? For Whom?

Today, the world’s largest democracy enters its 68^th year. A week before this landmark day, people suddenly realized that they are citizens of this country. Their facebook and WhatsApp profile pictures suddenly turned into the national tricolour, their pages began reflecting of patriotic songs, TV Channels suddenly began playing patriotic movies, and News Channels suddenly realized our brave heart soldiers exist as well so let’s do a show on them. Nothing can be as insulting to our country than this.

We live in a country where patriotism exists only on two days; today and 26^th January. We sport the flag on our shirts, sing the national anthem with wrong pronunciations, express sadness on the state of affairs of the country and go back to cursing the same country for the remaining days of the year.

Let us be really honest; we are not an independent country. We do not have the right to express ourselves; if we do so, we are branded anti-national, sent to jail and we are treated the same way a terrorist is treated. I do not need to give you examples; we are smart enough to figure it out.

Our tolerance levels are absolutely zero. We get offended at the drop of a hat. Someone makes a movie on a community; get offended without even watching it. Someone shoves you in a crowded train, get offended. Someone is an atheist and does not agree to your religious beliefs, get offended. However, if someone asks us for a bribe, we are quiet. Women are treated like garbage in our country, we are quiet. Our soldiers die an unknown death every day, we are quiet. We always end up at the wrong side of the spectrum.

The late Rajiv Gandhi once famously said, “Development is not about factories, dams and roads, it’s about the people.” It holds true for a simple reason is that until we change ourselves, we can’t crib about the rot in our system and neither can we dream of changing it ourselves. We have not changed is evident from the fact that Khaps still exist, ruling their village with an iron fist, women are still burnt alive in the name of dowry and that rusted rituals still form a part of our so called ‘customs and traditions.’

When people talk about these customs and traditions, they say our forefathers instilled this in our society. Too bad that they did not have a ritual of making a sad soul smile, they did not have a ritual of giving women the respect they deserve, they did not have a ritual of not spitting like sprinklers in the middle of the street, pass by the same place the next day and say “bahot ganda hai yaar.”

It is only when the power of education reaches the poorest of the poor in the society, only then we can dream of building an independent and self-reliant India; free from the bondages of caste, society and traditions and not influenced by hate mongers who only have their own motives fulfilled in the name of religion. Only then we shall be able to achieve true independence.

And last but not the least, my humble salute to our soldiers who in almost inhuman conditions are constantly there with a smile on their faces protecting their homeland. It is only because they are awake that we can sleep here in peace and mumble all the rubbish that we do all through the day.

I wish you all an Independence Day. Whether you wish to add happy or sad as a prefix is for you guys to decide. 

  

The Value of a football match referee in Mumbai: Rs 100

Our professor in college always told us, “Journalism can only be learnt when you step onto the field and not through books.” So as a part of our college assignment, we set off to Cooperage football grounds to cover the Mumbai School Sports Association (MSSA) U-16 final match between Bombay Scottish and St. Lawrence School.

Reporting for the match was a common task so we were asked to take various aspects of the game as our angle. When I walked into the ground I saw the linesman doing his job. I decided to base my story on him. Before the match commenced I had a word with him requesting him to meet me post the game for a chat. He was kind enough to agree to talk to a rookie like me. My initial angle was only to project how thankless their job was. What followed left me in shock as well as in shame!

After the game I managed to catch up with the three match officials and asked them about how it felt being a linesman in a sport that is not very glorified in India. “The generation has changed young man. We are not linesman anymore. People call us Assistant Referees.” one of them told me. I would not like to name the officials as secrecy would be ideal in such a case.

I broached the subject of them being in a thankless job. They admitted to this fact but also mentioned that they loved the game to such an extent that they did not mind not being thanked for the duties they imparted. During the course of the chat they also mentioned that their training is of extremely high intensity and it is only after clearing these tests that they are allowed to officiate in these games. They also agreed to the fact that they ran more than the players did during the 90 minutes and also joked that they cannot be substituted either if they are tired.

It is a true fact that they do not get the respect that they deserve. Football has a decent following among the youth of the country. People remember the names of players, goal scorers and to a certain extent even managers and coaches. But no one remembers who was the match official and who were his assistants. One quote from the official brought out the harsh reality of the treatment meted out to them. He said “When a team wins, it’s their calibre, when a team loses; it’s the referee’s fault”

What would you end up doing if you had only Rs. 100 on you? Have 8 Vada Pav’s? Have 20 cups of cutting tea? Or travel in a cab from Byculla to Colaba? I guess none of the above. You can use them to buy one kg of tomatoes these days. You may wonder why in the middle of this I asked you about Rs. 100? It is because THAT IS THE AMOUNT THE OFFICIALS GET PAID PER GAME ON SCHOOL LEVEL! Yes, only Rs. 100.

I would like to add that before the final commenced, the three officials were also officiating the Division II final played earlier in the day. So they were running for almost three hours at a stretch from one end of the ground to another. The reward for their effort? Rs. 100.

I was appalled on hearing the same and could hardly muster courage to ask them as to how did they make ends meet. To my relief, one worked at the Naval Dockyard, one had a travel agency while the other was a Cop with the Maharashtra Police. They did this only and only out of love for the game.

I once heard the legendary Kadar Khan say in an interview. “Har koi agar actor banega to writer kaun banega, director kaun banega.” Similarly, if everyone wants to be a player, who would want to be an official with such appalling pay scales!

Football may not be a glorified sport in the country, especially at the school level. But the administration has put all of us into shame by paying the heart of the game a measly sum of Rs. 100. But they can be proud of the fact that they are better than Raj Babbar or Montek Singh Ahluwalia, who said that we can survive on Rs. 12 and Rs. 28. In that comparison, Rs. 100 is a huge sum.

While the day was drawing to a close, we were figuring out as to where do we head for a snack and the school teams were busy celebrating their achievement on the field, the three officials, just like every unsung hero, walked into the sunset with their envelope that may have contained Rs. 100 as a reward for their services.

FROM CHAIWALA TO PM: Reality or Illusion?

'Today all tea vendors are feeling proud and walking with their heads high' remarked the Prime Minestrial candidate Narendra Modi, as he addressed a pumped up crowd of BJP workers during their national conclave recently held at the Ramlila Maidan in New Delhi. But will these tea vendors be able to remark that 'one among us went on to become the PM of the country is what remains to be seen.

The recent campaign of a big automobile company says 'Dream Big.' Surely, Modi has big dreams. His journey from a tea vendor, to an ordinary pracharak for the RSS, to a chief minister and now a candidate to lead the nation is nothing short of a fairy tale. He may have done wonders for the development of his state Gujarat (atleast that is what appears to the eye) but will he be able to do it at a Pan India level is a subject of contention. But the biggest question among all of this is 'Will he ever become a PM in the first place?'

The world's largest democracy gears up for its five yearly circus in a couple of months. There is no doubt in admiting that Modi enjoys unprecedented popularity in western india and the Hindu hiterland in the north. However, it is not about the popularity that he enjoys but the normal voter or the 'aam aadmi' that has been converted into a brand by a megalomaniac CM in the national capital. This aam aadmi is more unpredictable than the Pakistani Cricket Team. This was evident during the circus of 2004, when the media went ga ga over a clean sweep by the BJP, but it was this aam aadmi who poured kerosene on the media predictions and brought the congress to power and set alight the same in 2009 when there was a prediction of a hung parliament.

The BJP have gone all out for their 'mission 272.' However, the biggest factor that can dent their as well as Modi's chances is their weak presence in South India. The four south indian states contribute a total of 155 out of the 543 lok sabha seats, hence the BJP cannot dare to ignore them. The problem lies in Modi hardly having any presence in this part of the country. You never see him doing a rally out of his comfort zone. He did make a last ditch effort to save BJP's sagging fortunes in Karnataka before the assembly polls last year, but failed miserably. Jaganmohan Reddy has created a huge sympathy wave in Andhra Pradesh, people are in awe of 'Amma' Jayalalitha in Tamil Nadu, BJP and Modi never existed in Kerala. However, in a smart move, they have managed to get BS Yeddyurappa back on board in Karnataka but is it for the beter or worse, only time will tell.

Like in the US, the fortunes of a president change with the result of Florida parliamentary, similar is the case with India where the fortunes of a party get decided on how well the fare in Uttar Pradesh which sends the maximum of almost 80 MPs to the Lok Sabha. The people of UP keep shuttling around between the regional players Mulayam Singh Yadav and Behanji Mayawati; the former who sends his ministers on a foreign trip in the name of study tour and himself enjoys bollywood starts dancing at his feet while his masses die a miserable death in relief camps in Muzaffarnagar, while the latter is forever busy in making her own statues and memorial parks out of public money! Modi needs to get his act together here if he wants any momentum going in his favour. Orrissa is another state where it will be difficult for Modi to get past its erstwhile ruler Naveen Patnaik.

One thing that goes in favour of Modi and the BJP is the severe anti - incumbancy factor that the congress is suffering from at the moment. Scams tumbling out of their closet one after another and their dismal performance in the recent assembly elections have not done their image any good.

Even if in an ideal scenario, BJP do manage to get past the 272 mark, it is upto their Dhamatma or Godfather, the RSS to put their hand on his head and offiially make him the PM. For someone who is well known for their caste bias, they may not want to see a low caste individual ruling over them. On the flip side, if the risk the proposition of vetoing Modi's coronation, it may well be the end of the BJP in Gujarat where no one would dare compete against him considering his immense popularity.

Modi is an excellent markeeteer. He knows to market his brand extemely well. It is only now that he has been more vociferous of his tea vendor background. But no matter how good you market your product, the brand is not a hit untill you get heavy sales. So whether this Chaiwala becomes the leader of 1.2 billion people only time will tell. Untill then, get ready for the great Indian Circus - Elections 2014!

Supreme Courts LGBT - Lets Go Back in Time

I have somehow been kept away from writing and the excuse I had was that by the time I would reach home from college (Bandra to Vasai) I am already half dead and that my hands then only reach out for the pillow and not for the keyboard. Yes, I do stay in Vasai and when people hear of it, they think of Vasai being a far off desolate place beyond the city limits and their eyes open up as wide as the grand canyon, with a 'do you really stay there? expression'

My crazy schedules have kept me away from television as well hence my only source of news currently is the newspaper which yesterday gave me the shock of my life. The supreme court yesterday overturned the decision of the Delhi HC and proclaimed gay sex as illegal. Vipul Shah, are you listening? This is what you call time travel! The supreme court took us 100 years back in time within five minutes, which you failed to do through your three hour long crap called 'Action Replay!'

I am pretty sure the self - proclaimed savior cum protectors of our Indian Culture and Heritage would have danced nude on a cheap bhojpuri remix in their bathrooms on hearing this verdict as it is a boost to their already inflated and rusted egos. However, it was a cruel blow to the LGBT community who have been fighting for their rights across the globe since eternity but have not yet got their due.

I somehow cannot figure out one good reason as to why do we call ourselves a democracy. We have no freedom of speech (goons vandalize our property if we say the truth), our rulers care a shit about us, we do not know which one of them is using our hard earned money to by property abroad or to inflate their already huge bellies, and now we do not have the right to choose our sexual orientation as well! So now people in love need to get the supreme courts consent first before you go to your parents.

It certainly does not make sense as to how can choosing your own partner could be a crime? We cannot make sure that every individual's body functions in a similar manner. If it indeed was a democracy, we should have had the freedom to make our own choices, isn't it? No matter how much do we progress in terms of economy, infrastructure or the number of billionaires, our mindsets will keep rotting in times of the Aryans and our Human Right, oh sorry! This term doesn't exist in India, so its wrong to use it here.

As I now finish writing, I head back to the calender just to confirm whether the date is indeed 13th December, 2013 or 13th December 1913. So all the flag bearers of our culture can enjoy another dance while we express solidarity to the fighters of their identity and as Michael Jackson sang 'you are not alone!' 

The Last Hurrah

India did come to a standstill on the 15^th and 16^th of November. No no, it was not a politically motivated bandh and neither it was in protest of Ram – Leela which apparently has hurt religious sentiments of some wannabe dudes who want their 15 minutes of fame. It is amazing that people who would not even visit temples in their lifetime would end up having religious sentiments so strong, that they would be hurt by any random film, and they would go on filing court cases just to show their wives that they indeed are handsome not just in bed but also on TV! But lets keep that for another day. This one is for Bharat Ratna Sachin Tendulkar, whom we bid a tearful farewell yesterday.

It is no child’s play to carry the hopes of 1 billion people for over two decades. He did that. Not even in the wildest dreams would one think of scoring 100 hundreds. He did that. Not everyone would succeed in uniting the nation who would constantly bicker over the pettiest of issues. He did that too. And when the time came for the final farewell, the entire nation was in tears with him as he walked of the pitch. That’s Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar and his impact for you. Forget the nation demanding an answer; the nation just demands Sachin to keep playing till eternity.

The deathly silence that engulfed the stadium when he was dismissed, 26 short of what would have been a fairytale end was terrible. It broke a billion hearts. Even us, who in the middle of a lecture were busy pretending to practice the latest adobe software while simultaneously keeping a tab on the score on the internet. We let out a collective F*@! When we realized that it was all over and that he will not get another opportunity to bat, considering the pathetic quality of the West Indian batting.

And true to my word, the Caribbean side batted worse than a club level side. Mobile scores revealed that they were 9 down and our lectures had just concluded. We sprinted two floors down to the canteen where 200 of us Sachin Crazy fans had already gathered in front of the TV to watch the final few moments of the legend. And as Mohammad Shami uprooted the middle stump of Shanon Gabriel, the crowd let out a roar to celebrate an India win, but soon the atmosphere turned glum as we began to realize that we won’t be able to see the man we all grew up watching again on the field.

And as for the final time he began to walk back, our canteen turned into a mini Wankhede, with chants of ‘Sachinnnnn…Sachin’ echoing on all 10 floors of the building. People were in tears and so was the man himself, sinking in the end. For a man who carried the nation’s hopes on his shoulders for 24 years, it was fitting to have a last lap around the stadium on the shoulders of people who are expected to carry forward during his legacy. His speech moved us all and no one sat on their chairs for those 40 minutes. It was indeed touching to head to the pitch, which gave him everything that he has, one final time and pay his respects to it. And it was all over!

We danced with you during Sharjah 1998,

We sympathized with you during Chennai 1999,

We stood by you during the Match Fixing scandal,

We encouraged you after the World Cup disaster of 2007,

We fulfilled a dream along with you in 2011,

And we cried with you during your final match.

Thank you Sachin for 24 years of ‘Sach’ entertainment and countless moments of joy! You carried the nation with you and a small part of every cricketer and cricket fan breathed its last with your retirement. Cricket will never be the same without you!

And finally in the words of the late Tony Grieg, “Whadda player!”

Adios Master!

When Logic died an Illogical death!

If an award could ever be given to the worst contrast in a day, I would be its winner hands down! I have had the worst possible contrast that one could ever manage. One fine Saturday evening, I saw one brilliantly crafted film ‘Gravity’ and wondered “When would Bollywood make something like that?” so in order to come back to square one, I ended up watching one of the most hilariously pathetic film ever made. It was called Deshdrohi!

There are good films and there are bad films. Deshdrohi falls into neither category simply because it is not worthy of being called a film. It stars Kamaal. R. Khan, who would well go down as the poor man’s Jerry Mouse and Gracy Singh who resembled a wrestler straight out of a fight along with other random actors.

The film starts off with KRK running in a way that would give Usain Bolt a whole lot of Superiority Complex. The song playing in the background goes by the lines “Mere Halaat ye kya hue hai khuda.”
(Look at my circumstances, o Lord!) This was exactly the song I ended up singing at the end of the movie, considering the feat I just pulled off. He jumps into a random train which takes him straight to Mumbai. Talk about accuracy here! In Mumbai, he meets Gracy Singh and some random turn of events let him ending up murdering over 10 people, who are supposedly villains. It is how you take it, but few moments in the film would let you end up laughing your guts out or you would feel like murdering KRK himself towards the end;

·         Gracy Singh rides a dirt bike in the film. Her helmet is so heavy that it knocks down the villain only by minor contact!

·         The most famous attribute of KRK in the film is his burping. His sounds while he falls of a cycle, thrown off a bus or even when he is shot is similar to a burp or a constipated person.

·         When KRK is shot thrice, Gracy Singh doesn’t come out of the car until the third shot and the moment she does, the driver of the car runs away with the vehicle!

·         After he is shot, Gracy Singh doesn’t have any mode of transport to ferry KRK to the hospital, so she chooses to do that in a hand cart. Considering the contrasts in their weight, she did that single handedly. KRK on the cart did not look like a person who was shot thrice, but was writhing like a woman gone into labour!

·         When Gracy Singh’s brother is shot dead, both she and KRK leave his blood soaked body in the middle of the street and head to Dubai to dance on a romantic song! Talk about disrespect!

·         And last but not the least; KRK’s revolver has infinite number of bullets. He keeps shooting people at will, without even reloading it. Guess he never played Virtua Cop when he was a kid.

KRK deserves full credit for the film. He has produced the film, acted in it, wrote the story, screenplay (They did not exist) and dialogues (Pathetic) of the film and even watched the movie on his own. He (does not) act like a dream, dances with a creepy smile like a man suffering from a fit, and cries worse than a daily soap heroine!

You still ask me for a rating? On the contrary, I should be rated five on five stars for sitting through the entire film and watching a massacre of film making and logic! 

“Mere halaat yeh kya hue hai khuda!”